intro to my life

this will be all about my life and how i started out as a webmistress. i will also dive deep into my personal life and how i got to where i am now.

~chapter 1~

i was born in the late 90s, grew up in an era before capitalism really took a shit. a time where all of our food was rainbow, our shows were made by drug addicts, and our electronics were see-through and seemingly high tech for the times. i grew up with a computer, i've been attached at the hip to one ever since i was 2. i started exploring different online games, chatrooms, and trivia. in the early 2000s, the web was the place to be. so many different people online just trying to figure it all out. just the thought of having a device that can communicate so rapidly across the nations was such an evolutionary win. now 20 some-odd years later, i find myself reminiscing upon the early internet times. this is mostly why i created this website.

i first started out with graphic design and coding during the early myspace days. when i was like 10, i made myself a "sitemodel" that went by the name hyper chipmunk. after this point, i came up with my own myspace resource site in middle school. my first site was called fantabulous layouts, i used photofiltre to create my graphics. it was a lot of fun back then, so many people flocked to myspace for creative freedom and there were loads of creators at that time. there was never a dull moment on the early days of the internet. one of my final resource sites i created was elixirr.net and that was a blast. i really learned alot leading up to the creation of this website, including doing graphic design/layout design for "cults" on a website called vampirefreaks.com. this is a link to one of my old deviantart accounts that i would upload my graphics to. i loved making custom icons and banners for people on there, i miss vampirefreaks dearly. now it is just a store full of gothic clothing, no longer the social hotspot it used to be. i made some of my best friends on that site. sometimes i wish i could go back in time.

so that pretty much sums up the beginning of my graphic design adventure. i wanted to be and act like an adult at a very young age. i didn't realize the value of childhood until i have sprung into adulthood. it is quite sad, but i did have a fun time when i was a kid. i used to go on imvu, second life, zwinky, etc. i also loved playing dressup games and making dollz as well. i really loved to experience life through a screen, with a different persona entirely. i was so easily able to mask my age and identity. i feel like it's harder to do that now. i used to go on yahoo answers and diligently answer peoples' questions when i was 8-10 years old. the internet certainly accelerated my growth and development, but it also created some trauma as well. censorship was hardly a thing when i first started surfing the web, so i saw lots of things i probably shouldn't have seen at the time. my parents didn't know the dangers of the internet, because it was all new to them as well. it was an interesting time. i grew addicted to the computer as soon as i learned how to read and type. it is filled with so many wonders and joys that cannot compare to any real life experiences. it is its own reality.

~chapter 2~

to be written soon

shenanigans

this page will be daily shenanigans

10/2/2025: im sorry it has been so long since my last entry. i have been quite busy at work lately and have had lots of different projects to work on. i have spending a lot of my time playing goatlings, a goat adoption game akin to neopets. it has been so fun collecting little goat skins. there are also mini games and lots of events to look forward to. i have been enjoying that game along with dragoncave, osrs, and overwatch. i am happy that halloween is approaching--shocked how fast life has been moving though. this whole year went by so very fast and i feel like i haven't accomplished much. i still have trouble dissociating but i just have less time to sit and think of all the ways my life is going wrong. i try to remain positive while i push through my everyday life, but it gets harder and harder everyday. i definitely need a change of course soon. maybe i will go back to school. i just need to find a way to be stress free, something i havent been in a long, long time. i have been feeling the need to shop lately, idk why. maybe i will treat myself to a shopping spree soon.

9/13/2025: welp i finally made it out of the house for the first time since moving to a new town. went and did some karaoke at the local bar and i think i even made a friend or two. i am quite exhausted though from working and then socializing. it always takes the life out of me to talk to new people. at work i mask a lot tho since im in a retail store. its really tough. they also expect me to push their capitalist agenda and extort people for rewards and credits. it is quite disheartening but they hold us all at high standards due to corporates unreal expectations. i am hoping that things will change soon in the us. it has become a pretty scary and radicalized place over the past 4-5 years. i am concerned for our future and trying to remain hopeful. i guess all we can do is just continue doing what we love no matter what. sorry i havent been updating the site as much, i have been working alot more lately. i also need to write up chapter 2 of my life story soon. im gonna be headed to bed soon tonight tho. still been obsessed with my dragon collection lately. i find myself spiraling down the rabbit hole of true crime content. there are so many updates everyday in many horrific cases. it has got me thinking of becoming an investigative journalist. brian entin and ashleigh banfield from newsnation have been two of my favorite reporters as of late. i wish there wasnt so much crime all of the time, but unfortunately that is just the world we live in today. especially with everything being publicized for everyone to see. im just getting tired of it all and wish to make a difference.

9/3/2025: im sad that summer is approaching its end. it is the one time of the year i can leave the house without being entirely uncomfortable. i hate when it gets cold out, it makes it hard to find the motivation to leave the house. although global warming has made our winters milder than it was when i was a child, we still can have some brutal days. i am starting to get sick and i have such bad brain fog right now. i had to work at 6am yesterday and that was rough, i hardly ever leave the house before the sun rises unless im going on vacation or something fun. i hope that one day i can get out of my situation because it is currently driving me mad. i am living with my bf and his parents. it has been a little over a year and i am just tired of it. i want a place of our own. ive been trying to remember bits and pieces from my childhood so i can try to dissect why i am so messed up now in therapy. i dont think its going all that well. im going to try to get some rest now and try to sleep off this sickness. before i go, i have been so obsessed with collecting dragons lately from dragcave.net. you can see the dragons ive raised so far on this page here. goodnight.

8/24/2025: finally get a lil break from work. i have 2 days off to relax and get some work done on the website. im gonna work on fixing up the whole pixel house and getting that finalized. i am enjoying the halloween layout so far i might try to add more pizazz to it. im pretty tired, i had a long day. i am still considering purchasing a runescape membership, i miss the unlimited access to the entire map and the many more quests i have to accomplish. i might still get it hehe i will see where i am with my next paycheck. i had the idea today to make webkinz and neopets tarot cards. i just had the idea to make some webkinz pixel art too, that was such a big part of my childhood. at one point, i had up to like 12 webkinz. it was an awesome time. i wonder if my account still exists somewhere out there in the ether or if it is gone for good. i miss those times. i also really enjoyed playing neopets, i just recently started getting into it again. its not quite the same as it used to be, but it is still really fun. i still wanna work on getting the emotes set up on here

8/19/2025: the dissociation has worsened. i try so hard to focus and keep up with whats going on around me, but i just cant. i know the people around me get frustrated and i do too. i dont know how to cope with it. im just happy to have this website to work on, even if nobody reads this or looks at my site. i just enjoy having a project to look forward too. i withdraw from daily life so easily at this point and live in a fantasyland. especially now that im working and having to deal with the public daily. it is quite exhausting to keep the energy and motivation going. i want to just escape from everything and everyone sometimes, and this site provides that for me. i strive to create and feel happiness again. i hope you all enjoy my new halloween layout that i created, even tho we still have like 2 months. ill slowly be adding more content. goodnight.

8/15/2025: it has been quite the chaotic week at my work. i work retail and it has been ultra busy with back to school shopping. i can hardly see straight rn cuz im sooo tired so i will prolly come back and rant some more later after a good snooze...almost 20 hours later, but still in the same day...i'm back. i have fallen down quite the rabbit hole. i have had my personality be described as being very "down the rabbit hole." i am used to existing in a very chaotic space and have a very anxious day to day life. it is exhausting. i am slowly trying to unravel the trauma and the thick black smog that exists inside of my head. it is difficult to see past all of the darkness, but i am peeling back the painful layers one by one. i had a little shopping spree for myself, so that was fun. i have to go to bed soon cuz i gotta work tomorrow. i will probably update the site again on sunday.

8/10/2025: im surprised that i have been keeping up with this so often. it is not usual for me to be this chatty. today i have just been watching a bunch of ghost adventures lol i have just been kinda dissociating as per usual. i did, however, take a bath today so thats a win for self care. i feel like doing my nails but it seems like a lot of work to clean them up and paint them. i will consider it on my next day off. i have been trying to save my money as much as i can, but i have been growing more tempted to buy an osrs membership again. im gonna wait till my bills are paid for the month and reconsider. f2p is fun and all, but there is sooo much more to do in members worlds. it it fantastic what you can achieve and accomplish with a membership. i have had my runescape account since 2005, making my account 20 years old. most of my childhood i spent long nights grinding out those quests and fighting hill giants. a few months ago i decided to get a membership and it was life changing, i loved all of the different things you could do across the entire map. i especially loved farming. it got to a point where i would have to grind for 12 hours a day to try to afford a bond in game, but it ended up becoming tedious and unenjoyable. i think if i work it into my monthly budget, it would have worth. just having access to all of the skills and map is worth it. im combat level 75 and have been grinding to base 60 for the past couple months. it has been such a fun time, i love the game. i have been considering creating a shrine for it :3 i also have been looking for emojis to use in my journal, im emoji obsessed hehehe. other than that, i really don't have much in motion right now. i think i have everything sorted out on my computer, i just need to make sure it all gets loaded onto the server! im getting ready for bed now :3

8/8/2025: i have been off work the past two days and it has been really nice to sit back and relax. i was able to sort thru some more of the pixels i have saved to this computer. you see, i started out this website on my laptop, but now i have transitioned over to a desktop. i have most of the files transferred over from it, but i still haven't gotten them up on the site yet. its alright tho, im just gonna take my time and make sure i put lots of love into creating each individual page. i love to customize things, customization is one of my favorite parts of any game. i love to make things look pretty and aesthetic, and i think im doing an alright job so far with this site. i was thinking about creating a halloween layout potentially...i think that could be fun. i cant believe halloween is already just around the corner. time flies by.

8/6/2025: i am really quite excited to be updating my website now. i used to fall down the rabbit hole of playing games for hours on end(not a bad thing btw) but it was just getting to be the same thing everyday. being able to code at my leisure everyday and enjoy the process has been really nice. i found a new resource website called foollovers and it is filled with many amazing things!! my whole website is gonna get an upgrade soon, i think i might change the main layout. im not sure what im going to do yet though! i have been updating this website around once a week. i just recently made a mock myspace page and an alien shrine. my next projects include finishing up the pixel home and adding more links to the main page. i also have to finish pixel pets and dump all my random pixels as well. it has been such a joy to get back into the swing of things, though. i look forward to editing this site.